Home for the Holidays (or Not)
Thanksgiving and Winter Break can bring with them reunions and celebrations and happy times . . . as well as frustrations and disappointments. As you plan ahead, here are some things to consider.
Coming Home for Thanksgiving
If your student is headed home for Thanksgiving, perhaps for the first time since August, the odds are that you can’t wait to see them walk through the door. Speaking parent-to-parent, this short break is a whirlwind. One good approach is to talk ahead of time about family commitments, and plan on your student being scarce the rest of the time. High school friends, their favorite local spots, and sleeping (a lot) in their own room will all be big draws on their time. The time will go by quickly, but you will get a glimpse of the college version of your child. The good news is that you will get them back in a few short weeks.
Not Coming Home for Thanksgiving
For some college students, returning home isn’t in the cards. This can be due to financial constraints, distance, the chaos of travel, academic or other on-campus obligations, or other circumstances. Separation over the Thanksgiving holiday can be a challenging experience for students and parents alike.
If you are struggling and sad about having an empty seat at the table, you might want to change up your traditions a bit as a distraction. You can even change them up radically, and celebrate Thanksgiving when your student is home for Winter Break, which is right around the corner.
If your student is struggling and sad about not coming home for Thanksgiving, you can follow their lead in figuring out how to support them. Some ideas are:
Ask them what would be most helpful. If they would like to feel a part of the festivities, you can include them through Facetime, a barrage of photos, a synced up movie night, or a virtual game played together. If they feel like that might make it harder, you can minimize that kind of contact.
Most universities have activities for students staying on campus for Thanksgiving - turkey dinners and volunteer opportunities are common. Encourage your student to participate in something like this.
Consider sending a care package to arrive before Thanksgiving.
Check out our post on freshman year homesickness. Feeling sad about missing Thanksgiving is an intense, calendar-driven form of homesickness and the ways to support your student are very similar.
Winter Break
As soon as Thanksgiving is over, students head back to school, buckle down for final exams, and show back up at home exhausted and ready to revert to a version of their high school selves for a while. Some tips for enjoying Winter Break and keeping the peace follow:
Be flexible. Maybe the semester ended well, and maybe it didn’t. You might not know which it is until your student is home.
Remember that your student might expect things at home to be like they used to be and not realize that your family’s habits and routines have changed. They will adjust, and so will you.
Remind yourself that your student’s habits have changed too!
Before Winter Break, chat about things like:
house rules (like curfews)
family obligations and events
chores and responsibilities
personal space and privacy
Addressing these things ahead of time will help balance family time and independence, establish expectations, and help ensure a more harmonious break.
It is not uncommon for students to come home for Winter Break and break the news that the semester did not go as well as expected. If your student is struggling academically or personally, approach the topic with empathy. Remember, the transition to college life is complex, and setbacks are normal. Encourage them to talk to their academic advisor and utilize campus resources like tutoring centers or counseling services when they return to school.