Getting Ready for Freshman Year? Try a Mindfulness Mindset

Okay, your student got through the big hurdle of applying and getting accepted to college. Big stress relief, at least for a little while. So much anticipation and excitement about your student is starting college. As a parent, you may have been thinking of this moment literally for 18 years, or a lot of years anyway. The future, the hope, the promise. The Excitement. It’s all still there. And, what else?  A little anxiety, worry, maybe? Certainly, this is understandable. Perhaps even a lot of anxiety with worry. Oh, those worried thoughts can take on a life of their own. Now what?

Mindfulness Mindset: Of course, it’s okay to have Anxiety and Worry

There is a misconception that it is bad to have anxiety and worry. Those are “negative” emotions, and it’s always better to have “positive” emotions, right? Here’s the secret hiding in plain sight: being human includes anxiety and worry. They aren’t negative emotions, they are emotions that sometimes cause distress. Find me a human who does not experience anxiety and worry, and I’ll bet they’re a robot. Over my 30 years of clinical practice, I’ve seen it is better to find ways to allow and accept anxiety and worry AND carry on with your life. That is the mindfulness mindset. 

Don’t add fuel to the fire

Anxiety and worry are uncomfortable. No dispute there. And the sure way to magnify the discomfort is add fuel to the fire. Let’s step back and see how that works. You’re anxious and worried about your student leaving for college. It’s, oh, I shouldn’t be worried and you then feel more worried. Why is that? Because you are focusing on something that is already there and giving it more energy. As your try to make it “go away,” you are actually keeping it in your focus. Ever heard of that saying, don’t think of a pink elephant and of course you are thinking of a pink elephant the more you try not to. Instead, acknowledge the pink elephant and allow it to be there, no judgment, and other thoughts inevitably will enter your awareness. That is the mindfulness mindset at work. Allow, and move on. 

Thoughts are not facts in the Mindfulness Mindset

Anxiety and worry are usually driven by thoughts. Here’s the key: just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true. Wait, what? A thought is just a thought. So you worry about your student regarding x, y, and z. Is it true? You tell me. What’s the evidence? My point is we have so many thoughts over the course of the day. The ones you focus on get more energy. So when you have those anxious thoughts and worries, allow them to be there. Say to yourself, it’s just a thought. That’s the mindfulness mindset at work. .

Acceptance clears your path 

Allowing means you aren’t fighting those thoughts (and emotions) and you’re not adding fuel to the fire. It can be, yes, I’m worried. Validate your experience that you’re worried, but it doesn’t have to paralyze you. It is validation that you are human with many thoughts and emotions, some distressing. No need to judge, or fight, or struggle. The mindfulness mindset is your anchor for allowing yourself to be human.