By: Reyna Gobel MBA, MJ
It’s not unusual for parents to get a divorce after kids go off to college. According to Kelli Callibrese, a renowned divorce coach for women, gray divorces in your fifties are nearly as common as divorce in your thirties. Unfortunately, families may stay together for the kids. Then, they find they have nothing in common anymore when kids leave the house. as my mom says, you either grow together or grow apart.
If you find your marriage isn’t salvageable, Kelli recommends the following tips for starting the next stage of your life:
1. Accept your situation.
Those who realize it’s happening and they are not going back, adjust the fastest. Clinging on to the old will keep you stuck, stopped and bitter. Depending on your situation, not being bitter is difficult. You may have been lied to or treated badly, but it’s important to realize that’s one person you are now free from. Everyone is not them and don’t deserve to be punished for it. Getting rid of bitterness may be a process. Don’t expect to remove bitterness all at once.
Forgive yourself, forgive your ex, and anyone else you are blaming or holding a grudge against no matter how wrong they ay have been or how much you may be feeling disappointed or like a failure. Forgiving does not mean they were right, it means you are free to let go and move on.
3. Discover your new and true identity as a single person.
This is a great opportunity for personal development, soul searching, and uncovering the authentic you. Try something new. You may end up with a new degree, a new profession, or even coaching others to get through their situations. Also, remember the times you skipped an event because your spouse wouldn’t . It’s your turn to control your life. Kelli’s going on a lot of trips with my girlfriends i didn’t have time to do when married.
4. Self care. Love on you.
It could be a spa day, but so much more. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself space to grieve, be sad, feel all of the feels and love yourself back to life. Rebuild your courage. Journal, meditate, exercise, eat healthy. Keep getting back up no matter how many times you get knocked down. Kelli never wore makeup because she was more focused on raising her family and her fitness business. Now, she’s matching pink shirts with pink eye shadow and loving it.
5. Start to plan a vibrant new future.
Begin dreaming again. Imagine what your life could be like. What kind of profession could you have? How fit will you be? What will your community of friends be like? What charities will you donate to? What will make you happy? How do you see yourself in 5 years celebrating your new life.